There is something about finding a person or persons to connect with. That thrill of feeling understood, and the joy of knowing that someone else has our back. Friends are easy to find, but good friends make us feel like we’ve won the lottery. Life can feel lonely often, but when we find people who cause life to look a little more colorful, our days start feeling a little more meaningful. It opens an opportunity to take care of, be there for, and cherish someone else, while at the same time, being left feeling the same in return. A friendship is like any good relationship, filled with give and take. Friendships that are one-sided or toxic can leave us feeling drained and second-guess ourselves. They cause our insecurities to fly while our need to overcompensate stabs us in the back. We feel a need to be better friends in hopes that we will gain one in return. In those situations, it causes us to become resentful and causes anger to become pent up in a scenario that should no longer embrace our concerns. A good friendship, one that propels us forward, should leave us energized instead of left feeling like we need to take a moment to recharge.
Lessons Learned
We have all experienced different types of friendships, and have each walked the line of being a different type of friend. Honestly, it can be a hard roll, despite how simple and common it may seem. Friendships rely a hefty portion on personalities. If different people's personalities don’t mesh, how can they foresee themselves eagerly wanting to spend time together? Finding common things that are shared; each feeling like they add to the scale to make it lay even. It may teeter-totter on different occasions, however, the goal is to keep it in a straight line. It is self-reflection and learning who we are, what our love languages are, and how we interact with others. It is then using that information to be a better friend so that the others aren’t left searching in the dark. As much as we would love to point fingers when different conflicts or issues arise, a lot of being a good friend and having healthy relationships is looking at oneself and assessing if we have done everything we could to help settle the situation. It is communicating, even when we don’t feel like it. To be a good friend means learning and growing in who we are individually. Friends aren’t there to grow for us, they are there to grow with us and be supportive - a helping hand while we do the same for them. No friendship is perfect. But, it is showing up and pushing each other to be our best selves while we grow individually to be able to better help those who are hopefully trying to do the same.
A Friend A Day
I am sure at some point we have heard the saying that quality is better than quantity. The same goes for friendships. When we are younger, we might have that one friend that we see most often that we would classify as our best friend. But, we would surround ourselves with a group that we would go to the park with, invite to our birthday parties, and play with while our parents hung out. It was sharing ourselves with a few handfuls of people, but only on the surface. As we grow, we might still enjoy the company of many, but we learn the importance of keeping those select few close. It is finding those people who stick by our side and make us feel comfortable in our skin; who support our adventures and crazy ideas. But also keep us in line when we sway too far to one side. It is them sticking to their word and showing us that we mean something to them without us needing to ask. Sometimes it can be scary to be and show our true self. But, when we are with those friends, it shouldn’t feel as daunting. They should want to encourage us to show our true selves and to amp us up when we feel anything less. And in return, we need to be the same. Humans need companions, without them we are lonely. That is why God gave Eve to Adam, and then told them to multiply and fill the earth. He wants us to have relationships with others. A romantic relationship with the opposite sex is a best friend that we decide to choose to be loyal to and walk side by side with as our designated person. Putting them first, but keeping God above it all. It is a decision to give not only our time, emotions, and effort, but our hearts. Families are built in friendships that are given to us by God. We are immersed in their lives from birth. Arguments, love, and forgiveness are written into the wavers we sign at birth with our family. Whether we choose them to be our best friends or not. A friend is someone we select to come into our lives, to stand by our side through different aspects of our life. They are a choice that brings laughter, growth, and depth to our everyday lives.
The Different Types
We seek out close friendships, but occasionally, different life situations can cause different relationships. Some are friendships that we need to recognize as being one-sided. We are there for them because we know they need the support and stability that we can offer while knowing we won’t be able to benefit equally in return. Then there are those that we are aware are acquaintances, proximity friends, or surface level. They are important but are maybe those that we don’t go to for advice or are deeply rooted with. They probably aren’t the people we call when we need someone, when we feel alone, or when we are looking for a partner in crime no matter what the situation. They just might be there to bring joy to mundane situations. We rely on each other, and those friendships to keep us lighthearted, and cause us to have connections and experiences beyond our normal circle. And as exciting as it is to continually grow our friend group variety, it can also sometimes be exhausting to try and share ourselves; working hard to fill so many different people's cups. It is important to recognize once a relationship goes from two sides to one or simply it is fading out. We need to put in the work to keep our friendships moving forward, but we should become aware that sometimes one side can start to weaken, and once we begin to feel the whole weight of both parties being carried or we begin to feel neglected and alone, it’s good to evaluate whether this is something that we need to push through or if it is healthier to step away from. Relationships are all about fighting for those people, but also knowing when to step back or even away.
Coming To Realize
Things I’ve learned about being a good friend is learning that we should treat others the way that we want to be treated. It is showing up when we say we are going to. Sticking to our word, despite different situations and if something happens; learning to communicate through it. It should be reaching out and putting in the effort to stay in touch. It should be not simply waiting for the other person, but putting in the work as well. Encouraging, supporting, being honest, sharing, and listening are all things that we want others to do for us so we should in turn work to do it for them. Each friendship is different, but with that, it opens special opportunities to find the niche of each to then carry that relationship deeper. If both sides are doing their best to show up and be there the way they would want someone to be in return, then the scale should be balanced. People are human and we all make mistakes, say things we don’t mean, disagree, and grumble when we are forced to do things that we don’t want to do. But, forgiveness is a key part of moving forward in all aspects of our life. And the more we practice forgiving the more we can flourish in our relationships.
I would be lost without my close friendships. So many of them have lured me out of holes I have found myself in, whether caused by loneliness, depression, or just thinking self-deprecating thoughts. I have been hurt and have struggled with different relationships at different times in my life, like most of us. But, I have also been pushed and encouraged, learned how to be a better person through others' wisdom, learned to love myself by the encouragement of others, shown I don’t need to suffer through things alone, and have grown in learning to let things go. I also want to highlight that family can be our friend group too. My siblings are some of my closest friends. My sister…I need to tell myself to stop talking to only her, about her, and to go hang out with others. Choosing family friendships is like having two in one. Hopefully, this can bring some clarity to a very common topic when everyone says to ‘surround ourselves with good people’. To perhaps highlight relationships that feel one-sided or even that we aren’t showing up in a way that we would want someone to be there for us. If anything, I hope you enjoyed reading. Please comment your thoughts or new ideas. I love writing suggestions like this one, subscribe to get the new post straight into your inbox, if not, follow on Instagram, and share this with someone. Thanks for reading Allie-cats.
Dru Allie
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