A Deep Breath In...

Chapter 1

After her spontaneous breakfast last week, her days have begun to pile up like emails in an inbox. One thing after another crawled in her direction; appearing to be moving slowly but gaining momentum in an impressive turn of events. Why is it that when life finally feels comfortable, we blink and bills appear, products dry up needing to be refreshed, other complications find their way to the surface demanding our time and attention, or things we feel we can’t control arise? That, that is the flood that now found its way to her front door creating the mornings and nights to loiter around her. Stress has an unusual hold on her. It creates this fuzzy screen to blanket her regular programmed thoughts and internal to-do lists. It scrabbles her brain like a word search. A week earlier she was informed that she would be giving an important presentation at work. Presentations were not her expertise and the timeline was a three-week window. Little did she know that once this inconvenient event found her lap, occupying the loud space that was her mind, she would wake up to a call from her landlord. It couldn’t be a good thing when it wasn’t the beginning of a month. Perhaps something was broken… just perfect. But, it wasn’t that. The building was changing management and the whole building would need to find new accommodations by the end of next month. Even better! She took a breath and proceeded to go about her day as normal, meaning she would infuse pep into her step as she waltzed into her office building. But as she drove she noticed that she needed gas and that her safety was expired…because why not? She had also added to her list, which she started two days ago, that she needed to order more toothpaste (because of course the things Target didn’t carry were the things she should have ordered last week). She also added more coffee after discovering she was out while excited to make it, a birthday gift she needed to purchase, and a handful of other gifts that approached like the tide as the moon rose in the sky. 

Chapter 2

She painted on her game face as the doors to her office building approached. Once she broke the barrier of the outside world, a new wave of chaos began. She sat at her desk only to be welcomed by a hefty list of tasks that needed responses before her typical work could resume. She could feel herself short-circuiting. Her typical movements and thoughts were no longer smooth and precise, they now held an edge to them and an almost frantic pattern. Her breathing felt as though it didn’t reach her lungs. Then her breath began running at a rapid pace as she sat back in her chair. She closed her eyes, breathed in through her nose and held. After a few seconds passed she breathed out through her mouth allowing herself to release the tension she found camping in her shoulders. A bandaid to her day. After another moment of deep breathing, she dropped her head while shaking it slowly and smiling softly to herself as an unamused laugh escaped her lips. Her mind was lost from her work so she decided to jump ship and work on another problematic area, her living situation. She pulled out her phone and rested her forehead on her desk while she unlocked it, hunching over like the hunchback of Notre Dame. She pulled up her text thread with a friend she knew looking for a housemate.  

Her: Hey, you still looking for someone to rent your other room? 

Them: Hey!! Yeah, you interested? What happened to your place? Thought you liked it there?

Her: Some change in management, looking for some new accommodations. 

Them: That’s annoying! Well, lucky for meee! I do have one other girl looking at it, but I’ll let you know what happens... 

Her: Gosh, that would be so great! Thank you!

Chapter 3

“Whatcha doin'?” A shadow formed over her and she slowly shifted her shoulders, head still balanced on the desk to look. Her co-worker looked at her, head tilted to the side.

“Oh, you know, solving the world's problems while avoiding my emails, hoping they evaporate.” She sat up leaving a line on her forehead where she was half on the desk and half off. 

“Well, at least you have good motives.” She laughed and looked over her shoulder and then back just as the sleeping phone on the desk vibrated. 

Them: “Sooo the other girl just told me she would take the room. I am so sorry, she had messaged me last week! But, I will keep my ears open for anyone looking!

And just like that the mind scrabble resumed with worry, panic, and an overwhelmed sense of feeling like she was buried six feet deep. 

“Whoah, you good?” Her co-worker noticed the shift in the air, how it all left her lungs, and created a vacuum seal around them instead. Or maybe it was the sudden fog that froze over her eyes and the thumbnail finding its way between her teeth. 

“Huh…” She snapped back into her puzzle that was reality. “Yeah, great! “ She said with too much enthusiasm. 

She gave her a pointed, knowing look. “Come on… what’s up?”

“I need a new place to rent and my best and only known options just took flight, but it’ll be fine. I still have a little while.” She scooted back in her chair and powered her computer back on. The panic and stress eating at her from the inside. 

“Well if it isn’t your lucky day… I was just about to post that I needed a new housemate!” Her hands found her hips and her mouth and head found the ‘what are the chances’ posture. “I live in a two-bedroom house and my housemate just moved out. I’m about a 15-minute drive from here.”

“Wait, are you serious?” Light replaced the fog.

She felt a huge portion of relief lifted off of her as they exchanged details. Finally feeling like the decision to throw her parents' new fridge box out was the right decision because she wouldn’t be living in it after all (drama helped keep the emotions from hitting the shutdown button). 

Chapter 4 

One thing is done, but her list of to-dos seemed to then take the form of mosquitoes circling her head. It was after lunch now and the sun illuminated the office through the massive windows casting a warm glow encouraging everyone to finish the day strong. And that is the attitude she decided to take to overpower the annoying bugs. She took out a notepad and wrote all of her tasks down one by one. She crossed out the things that were out of her control, wrote a star by the ones that weren’t an urgent priority, and then highlighted the ones that she would be able to get done. Having a visual always helped her to release the extra tension in her mind that tried to maintain all of her lists, thoughts, and worries. Her presentation was not an immediate issue, she had time to work through it and plan out times to work on it now that she had found a place to move into. The other things, yes the expenses piled up and time was valuable, but these situations were temporary. Either they were necessities or she would choose what was important, others she would respect her budget not allowing herself to stress. Her week felt like a rock dragging her down. But, with a deep breath and a perspective shift, she knew that things would work out, and if they didn’t perhaps go the way she planned, life never stopped traveling forward, she would make it through it one way or another. 

Chapter 5

Stress is like a bad cold that circulates in the family. Once we feel like it’s gone and we have everything taken care of and in control, it comes around again. But, the only power stress contains is the power that we give it. It’s like electricity, the more we dwell, worry, and try to avoid, the more we charge it until we receive the zap of it all figuring itself out. Not everything works out the way we want or hope, but sometimes greater things come out of difficult situations. Writing our stresses down or talking them through with someone can de-escalate our rapidly rising emotions and bring clarity back into our reality. And every now and then stress is beyond something that we can write down, but with time we can make it through. Our life and our situations find their place based on how we choose to look at and handle them. I give stress far too much attention and that is something I constantly try to work through because things will work out and things will be ok. 

A relevant topic for everyone, but particularly for me and my past few weeks! I hope you were able to relate and be reminded that stress is only but a whisper in a much louder and longer song. Stress has a way of shutting us down, but we are the ones in control of how much we let it take over. I hope after reading this you feel a little lighter. The week is over and now we get to start fresh, so have an amazing weekend! Don’t forget to share this post, follow on Instagram, leave a comment, and subscribe! Thanks for reading Allie-Cats!

• Dru Allie