Stormy Moments...

Chapter 1 

The wind was picking up outside his car as he sat there with the engine running. He was sitting outside his sister's house. She was some boss at a company; she had this whole big boss life. A family, career, and employees that were probably just as afraid of her as he was. He slowly opened his door as a gust of wind decided his door should join the dance the freshly fallen, yellow leaves were making in front of the garage. Luckily the door bounced back with a disagreeing thud, saving him a lengthy bill to the auto shop. He planted his feet firmly on the ground and forcefully slammed his door shut as the sharp air taunted his hair. He loved that he lived close to his family. His sister and brother lived in the same area, which made seeing each other much cheaper than when they were in college. They all got along well, but he found himself at his sisters the most. Leaves crunched under his feet as he approached the door. He felt the mundaneness of his action with every step. For some moments in time, life felt exciting; however, in most moments life felt shallow, reserved only for those with a passion and direction, and it felt like everyone else's world that he was living in. He felt fake in a world of others who were certified. His face held onto a flat expression until the door swung open to his niece staring up at him. She squealed and pulled him in. Their dog came drifting into the entryway, scoping out the cause of all the noise. He patted him, then scooped up his niece and moved into the house. His nephew was trying his hardest to acquire the toys hanging off his play gym that hung above him. His sister was in the kitchen making dinner, and her husband was out in the garage probably working on some house project. So, he did what he knew best and dove in, kissing his baby nephew, setting down his niece, and placing a crown on the top of his head while he began re-organizing the living room.

Chapter 2 

“What are you doing?” His sister approached him as he lay on the floor next to her son with her daughter bouncing up and down on his stomach, reading the two a book, in the now clean room.

“Reading, what does it look like?” He tilted his head in her direction looking up through his eyebrows over the book. 

“Well I see that, did you clean up in here?” She looked around. 

“Yeah…” He looked at his niece, “I think your mom is losing it.” She giggled and snuggled up next to him. Her warm-colored hair twirled into coils around his shoulder. 

They all ate dinner together, and after, he went about scrubbing the used dishes and sweeping the floors. He tried his best to improve on his sister and husband's lives, knowing they typically always ran around with a life, whereas he…well… had less of one. He had a life, but he wasn’t exactly sure of the direction of it. He felt like he didn’t belong anywhere.

“You know I can do those?” His brother-in-law appeared beside him, starting to dry the now cleaned dishes. 

“Ah nah man it’s cool, I don’t mind.” He scrubbed the next plate a little harder.

“How’s work going?” He took the plate from his hand. 

“It’s going…how’s yours?” He switched the topic not wanting to allude to his confusion of his own career.

“Come on man, there must be more than that.” He stepped around him.

“It’s fine, I just feel stuck. I guess I feel a little stuck everywhere. Where I live, my work, what I do outside of work. It all feels useless.”

He turned to him, “You're not…?”

“No no no, I know my road will switch up on me, but right now I feel like I fell in a hole and the best use of my time is to help others get out of theirs. It’s just a season.” He raised his shoulders casually not wanting to explore deeper into the way he was feeling.

“Yeah man, I understand, I’ve had a season of feeling that way. It’ll get better.” He patted him on his shoulder in a reassuring way.

Chapter 3

He begrudgingly stepped into the office the next day. The air felt stale and the lighting felt heavy. But, his body found his office without even needing to think of where to go. He felt invisible to the rest of his team like he knew he was needed, but at the same time, he felt replaceable. Thoughts swarmed his head telling him he was inconsequential. So small he could fall through the cracks, that being there for others would inflate him just enough to stay afloat. But, simultaneously, as he did his best to be there for others he would question whether or not he was eligible to even be a support for them. Feeling the best he could be was a servant. Now, he knew that his thoughts were eating him alive, but sometimes he needed to walk through the storm to find the other side. He knew that letting the storm consume him he would have a much more challenging time finding the exit. 

“Good morning.” His co-worker approached him and sat in a chair opposite him. 

“Good morning, did you go over that project yet?” He turned to look at a few papers behind him. 

“Oh no, not yet. We can go over that later this afternoon. Do you have a minute?” She looked slightly uncomfortable but also eager.

“Sure. What’s on your mind?” He turned back around and sat in his chair, scooting forward. He was feeling a little unsure of where this was going, but again, if he could help.

“I just want to make sure you’re ok, I’ve noticed you’ve been quiet the past few weeks.” She looked anxious for the answer like she actually cared and wanted to know. As if his place in the world wasn’t just for the benefit of others, that he mattered too. It shone a light on the fact that others observed and saw him without needing him. His life held a purpose even if he couldn’t see it. 

“I…” He stuttered a little take-back. Fighting if he should blow the question off or believe that someone cared. He chose the latter. “I’ve been having a rough couple of weeks. Life just feels a little dull right now.” He looked down at his hands as they choked the life out of the pen, linking the two. Anxiety needed to go somewhere. 

“Dang, that’s hard. Well if you ever need someone to talk to. I’ve been there. I walked through that pretty recently. Just know, you’re far more valuable than what you allow yourself to believe.” With that, she stood and walked to the door. She gave him a polite, friendly smile before tapping the door frame twice leaving him alone with his thoughts swarming around him in the room.

Chapter 4

Sometimes life can feel like it’s everyone's world and we are just living in it. Like we are fake and purposeless. As if no one sees us. We can become confused and unsure of what our future holds. It can feel isolating and lonely. But, some of the most beautiful road trips I’ve been on, go through dry patches where there is nothing for miles. It’s a blip, a time for us to grow and be eager to strive for more, to learn to explore who we are and be proud of that, to remember no one knows what they are doing, and to trust that there is life ahead of us that is just waiting to be unlocked. But, we need to learn from where we are now to be better prepared for what’s to come. We need to stop waiting for our life to start and start living it!

It can be easy to feel like we are best left in the shadows, working best as a stagehand instead of thinking we are part of the cast. Sometimes it takes making even the smallest step of letting someone in and opening up to learn that you matter, and that your feelings are valid. This can be the start of the journey out of that slump. I hope this encourages you and that you had a great week. Enjoy the weekend and don’t forget to follow on Instagram, add your email to get each post sent straight to your inbox, share this with a friend, and leave a comment letting me know if you liked this post and what you want to read more of. Thanks for reading Allie-Cats!

• Dru Allie