Little Light...

Chapter 1 

She sat on her chair staring at her phone reading some news article when she should have been working on a presentation approaching in a few days. But, it enraptured her attention, pulling her in, whispering for her thumb to continue scrolling. She complied. As she read she found herself feeling encircled with excitement. She had a short list of things she found enticing, but that didn’t limit her to those topics. She liked to feel in the know in most conversations she wound up in, allowing her to be a chameleon and blend in wherever she went. But, also she liked others to feel heard and be able to carry a conversation with topics that caused their face to light up like hers was now. She finished the article feeling filled to the brim with new knowledge. The pressure was rising in her and she needed an outlet, someone who would listen and want to join in on the conversation. Be her hype person. So, she vacated the chair, which was once company enough to go in search of another. She contemplated storing the information for a rainy day or simply swallowing it for herself to find fascinating, but she was never good at not letting her thoughts fly. 

Chapter 2 

She found her friend sitting at her desk. Surrounded by her thoughts. She approached rapidly, disrupting them. Turning, she propelled herself atop the desk, allowing her legs to dangle. 

“Hey!” She stared at her friend eager to get the conversation rolling, but also wanting to walk into it casually.  

“Hey! What’s up?” Her friend's look was surprised, but it quickly settled into a welcoming smile. 

“Just checking in, how’s work?” Arms by her thighs resting on the desk, she danced her shoulders back and forth trying to calm herself down.

“It’s fine…you look like a child who has just returned from the candy store.” She narrowed her eyes, probing the information out of her. 

“Ok, fine… I was just reading something…” She started, but was cut off. 

“Let me guess, something else on social media?” Her friend gave a knowing sly smile with questioning eyes. 

“Yeah, but the source is good…anyway… It was about this chef who flew to a bunch of different restaurants around the world gathering new tips to bring back to improve his knowledge and help his restaurant.” Her enthusiasm was so fragrant she was sure the aroma was encasing her friend, but when she glanced over her friend was looking back at her computer. The response was a casual, “huh.” She could feel her light fade a touch as she reigned in her smile and continued.

“The article said he’s going to write a cookbook and I thought it would be interesting, but anyway… What are you working on?” She felt herself begin to close off so she decided to turn the conversation back around, minimizing her thoughts so she could read more later, alone. 

Chapter 3 

She walked into work the next day eager to show off the presentation she had worked all night on. She felt proud and exhausted. She was accustomed to at least three more hours than the five that she ended up with. Her tired eyes found her desk and her legs found the kitchen where her mind was focused on coffee. There she found the office duo having already poured their coffees and were parked at the table. 

“Well, good morning!” Her friend said with optimism that continued to shock everyone. 

“Good morning.” Hers was far more monotone, but she mustered a sprinkle of pep. 

“Someone let the bedbugs bite?” Her other friend took a sip of his coffee, a smile ghosted his lips before the mug hid all signs. 

“Wasn’t in bed long enough for them to find me, was finalizing things on my presentation.” She shut her eyes and gave a lazy smile. 

“Done that!” Her friend sighed and looked over to their guy friend. He shrugged. 

“I don’t think I slept once in college, that’s how I always did my assignments.” His casual tone disrupted the previous conversation, but after the two gave a few gaping looks she responded. 

“Glad you made it out alive!” She shook her head circling back to her first comment. “I am pretty proud of how the project turned out.”

“Didn’t you ever hear of doing things ahead of time?” Their friend asked with no acknowledgement of her comment.

“Never saw the point.” He shrugged, also not tapping on her hint of wanting to talk about her hard work with her friends. She thought about trying once more but felt as though the conversation had moved on, so she drifted with it. They’ll hear it in full later. 

Chapter 4 

The carpet muffled the sound of her shoes as she walked to the meeting. Nervous anticipation coursed through her. She not only was up late working on her presentation, but also fine-tuning what she would wear, what she would have for breakfast so it was ready and she could have enough time to eat it, and if she should wash her hair so she wouldn’t need to risk a bun. Her perfectionist came out and she was ready. She swung the door open with one hand clutching her laptop in the other. The idea of talking to someone about her presentation was lost after her attempt earlier that morning. She had gotten used to the feeling of being snuffed as if she were a candle, but she had come to terms with it and walked forward with little frustration. This on the other hand was not something she was expecting. When she entered the room her boss pulled her aside.

“Because of some scheduling, I had to move your presentation to next week.” She could feel her insides clamming up, but she maintained a neutral exterior. 

“Ok, do you have a date in mind so I can be ready?” She asked, trying to maintain her professionalism.

“Not yet, but I will email you once I do.” With that, she walked to the front of the room to start the meeting that was once supposed to house her well-fed, dressed, and ready to present tired self. She sat half listening, but internally wanting to let small tears rise to the surface. She was strong, and this was nothing new. This happened all the time and now she would be able to do her presentation on a full night's rest. She wasn’t going to let this be a negative cloud over her. 

Chapter 5

There are many situations or instances where we feel like we are being overlooked, stepped over, or even occasionally stepped on. When we feel like our thoughts and excitements become swept under the rug to be made less important than what we expect them to be. It can be hard and frustrating. And although we hopefully aren’t the ones to cause others to feel that way, we can’t control others' actions. Therefore we have to take control of what we do have power over; our response and our actions. It can be hard to find the line between feeling walked over and allowing it to happen or becoming so frustrated and reacting when we aren’t shown the courtesy that we would like. I don’t want to preach and say I have the answer because I often find myself wedged between the two as well. But, I will say that with grace and understanding, we can’t expect others to match what we are thinking and wanting. We can treat others the way that we would like to be treated, and even express when we are feeling stepped on. I’ve learned that people appreciate a direct approach rather than those who hold it in becoming a ticking time bomb.

This is something I feel most people don’t talk about, but I know for a fact that we have all felt this way at some point. It can be an uncomfortable feeling, but I hope you know that the things that bring you joy and pride are important despite others not illuminating from the same light. Enjoy the weekend!. Don’t forget to follow on Instagram, subscribe to receive your personal story every other week, leave a comment, and share this with someone. Thanks for reading Allie-Cats. 

• Dru Allie