Mr. Imposter...

Imposter syndrome, is an extremely common emotion brought on by, as the dictionary explains it, “the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's efforts or skills.” It sews itself along the hem of self-confidence. It overshadows our life when we observe others who appear to be able to take on the world, their responsibilities, and fields of work with passion and ease, looking comfortable while doing it. We are left guessing and trying our best to show off the same feelings without anyone knowing our internal thoughts of feeling like we are underqualified, lacking experience, too young, looking like we are copying, feeling as though others are talking behind our back, and that our capabilities don’t line up with others. It is an amusement park ride of emotions left with us using face paint to cover our insecurities. Now, as much as I would love to be able to expound on this topic with the knowledge of everyone's perspective on it, I am afraid that we will simply need to settle for my interpretation and knowledge of the subject with hints of others' feedback woven in. And, just as the topic suggests, imposter syndrome is the emotion of feeling like an imposter; a fraud, a phony, someone who is in a situation where they don’t belong. It’s a feeling of needing to hide, but continuing to step up to the plate because life stops for no emotion.

Looking beyond

Diving in deeper, we should examine what made us feel this way. Is it that we are not as good as the others? Are we not as qualified? Responsible? Capable? Talented? Or is it that our mind tricks us due to moments of self-doubt? We all know the correct answer, but during moments when we feel like this, it is hard to find and see the truth. We allow our minds to taper down until we are left buried. And like our self-confidence, we feel as though the world around us is sharing in our self-degrading thoughts. Eagerly looking for our flaws that stand out like a bright neon highlighter like we think they do. We feel self-doubt and don’t feel as though we can do it, have what it takes, or don’t completely know the task at hand. But, who does? We all have at some point felt like an imposter, unsure of what to do or where to go next. However, unlike someone lacking confidence, where it’s hard to hold our head up high and walk with purpose and be self-assured and certain, feeling like an imposter is a compilation of feeling insecure, fear of failing, and doubting oneself and abilities. Often I feel like I don’t belong with a group of people or as if I shouldn’t be doing a certain thing because I feel underqualified or not sure of how I did something so I feel like a fake for not doing it the “conventional way”. It is hard to feel like we don’t belong or are going to fail. Feeling like we are in a position even though others might also be more deserving or have been there longer and not feeling like we don’t deserve or haven’t earned the right. I was talking with someone this past week and she works in a field that is high pressure and where accuracy is very important. She nonchalantly told me how she often feels like an imposter. And something about seeing how someone in such a position can push through a feeling that we anoint ourselves and not let it hold us back shows that we are more capable than we give ourselves credit for.

Overcoming And Moving Past

How can we walk forward when we feel as though we are failing, don't fit in, or are a “fraud”? Those are hard feelings to endure, but not something that we can’t overcome. I know that for me, my mind always tries to make me take those feelings and allow them to hold me back. But I, like many others, take on the philosophy of “fake it until you make it”. Sometimes we need to step outside of our insecurities and try to see things from another's point of view. Often when I am overthinking about myself, I try to think if another person was in my position, what would I think about them? Would I draw up the thoughts and emotions that I am giving to myself? Would I give them a second thought? We are our own worst critics. Another way that also helps to push past or helps us cope with feeling like an imposter is by talking encouragingly over ourselves, and giving ourselves positive self-affirmations. We control our mindsets, so if we continue to tap into the negative lies that sneak in then we will continue to feel out of place and like we are failing or not where we want to be. We need to find perspective. And finding a new perspective doesn’t mean that we need to face it alone and continually fight this battle solo. Talking with others, reaching out to friends, family, and people who we feel support us, and sharing that we feel this way can relieve some of the pressure that can build up. It leaves room for others to share their experiences which also causes the emotion to become more normalized. We are way more capable than we think and do deserve the things that we work for. We allow ourselves to talk down and agree with lies. We have more to give than we think we do. I mean, I am out here trying to talk us through emotions that I know we struggle with while feeling like an imposter myself. I need to remember that even if my words only help me to work through things and remind myself, then that is a win.

Over All

This feeling is infused into us due to living in our imperfect world. We are humans who struggle and not feeling like we are capable, deserving, old enough, smart enough, mature enough, and even financially stable enough, does not mean that we are behind, undeserving, or out of place. It reflects that we need to show ourselves more grace, uplifting self-affirmation, and take what we feel as a driving force to push ourselves to keep fighting through the lies. No one sees us the way we perceive ourselves. It’s an extremely hard thing to remember at times, especially when we are in the thick of feeling like we don’t belong or feel like a phony. Oftentimes when I talk with others and express to them the way that I see them, they become fascinated knowing that they are seen as smart, capable, and just as qualified as anyone else. It’s hard to allow ourselves to relax our thoughts to feel worthy of being seen in our own eyes the way that others and God see us. But, like confidence, progress doesn't happen overnight. It will take us effort to remind ourselves when we feel those thoughts creep into our minds. And I know that to many this is possibly a new label, but not a new feeling. We need to remember that we are more than we allow ourselves to believe, but also to be mindful of remaining humble. There is a difference between being self-assured and prideful or cocky. The more we can take control of our emotions and feel as though we are not imposters among a world of people who are legit, and see that we are all working to be ourselves and fit in. Allowing room for failures, and mistakes, being okay with saying that we don’t know, or being confidants when we feel like we shouldn’t be.

Whether we need to fake it until the feeling shakes off or continue to motivate ourselves by uplifting self-talk, we’ll get there. Striving to be, show, feel, and be comfortable with ourselves helps us grow in resilience to show ourselves that we are far more than what we are willing to believe. If this is something you feel, I am right there with you. I feel this so often I find myself looking for other's affirmations so I can convince myself of my own lies. But, we all hold the power to change our mindsets. If you resonate with this feeling and need a little encouragement, leave a comment. I'd love to encourage you. And don’t forget to share this with someone, follow on Instagram, and subscribe. Thanks for reading Allie-Cats.

• Dru Allie