Uniquely Me...

Chapter 1

She woke up early to birds scattering musical notes around the trees that stir in the morning air. She lies in bed staring at the ceiling above her and works on planning out her day; what she will eat, when she’ll be able to work out, when she’ll do her laundry, and any other tasks that may come into play. Before she let go of the warm embrace that her bed gently gave her, she reached to check her phone. There on the lock screen lay an innocent invite from a friend. The text read, “Hey, I randomly have the day off, want to try that new breakfast place this morning?”

This would be where only last year her breathing would have caught for a second while her brain tried relaxing into the idea of eating another's cooking where the ingredients used might not be up to her typical kitchen standard, but now she felt herself relax into the idea and find joy in the time spent with her friend. She responded, “Would love to!” Her mind is on autopilot to try to reconfigure her meals for the day to allow for eating out, but she caught herself and reminded herself that there is no harm in an unplanned meal. Once the clock reminded her of the time, she walked to her closet and stared at each piece of clothing that held individual stories. Some reminded her of photos of herself that she wasn't fond of and others held her confidence. Making her selection, she dressed in a skirt that in the past had lowered her self-confidence when looking back at a particular image. But, she is working on not letting her clothes decide how she feels. The morning routine was all that was left concluding with brushing her long red hair into a high ponytail. Her stomach growled. Last year she would have held off from answering it knowing she was going to eat in the next couple of hours afraid to risk answering that call too many times but, with time, she has learned that when the body complains, it is best to answer it. This doesn’t mean to always indulge in it, but for her, eating at an unplanned time wasn’t going to do anything other than provide energy needed to join the day's journey, so she grabbed a banana. 

Chapter 2

She sat in her car in front of the café scrolling on her phone reminding herself that she didn’t need to look at the menu to find an option she would feel less guilty about. Although, that didn’t stop her from scrolling through old photos of herself. She didn’t stare at herself in each one because she liked what she saw, she stared because she got lost in each expression, outfit, or look of her body which brought discouragement. Quickly, she remembered to work on pointing out the things that she appreciated. Then something jolted her back into reality. With a startled jump, her phone explored the passenger seat as her head snapped up and to the window of her driver's side door. There, with a smile, stood her friend wearing a simple sundress that invited the late spring day to be a day full of sun and laughter. Something she loved about her friend was her new love of life and the way that she held her beauty behind a modest and humble smile. She wished that people would observe her the same, however, it was because of this friend that she began to heal and find acceptance in the person she is and the body she has. 

“Hey!” She stepped out of her car retrieving her runaway phone.

“Hey!’ Her friend beamed back at her reaching in for a hug. “I love your skirt!”

“Thanks and you look amazing as always!” She smiled as she tugged the bottom of her skirt down again starting to feel the unwelcome thoughts shaking the door where they were placed behind to dissolve. Then the slightly cropped shirt, which looks cute on others, began to feel like the wrong choice as she began to fight with the hem trying to pull it down to be forced friends with the top of her skirt. How do girls wear this so boldly? She will one day learn the art of being fully comfortable in what she wears. Today is but another step in the direction of owning the beauty and body that was created for her. 

“Thank you.” Her friend blushed and her bright beautiful smile enhanced the morning light as the wind played with her beautiful, untamed maple-brown hair. She looped her arm through hers, “ready to grab a table?”

Chapter 3

Once seated, they quickly ordered and took to diving headfirst into conversation. Her friend talked about work and her co-worker/best friend. He had focused hard on helping her find the positives in life and she has been thriving since she found her groove. Now, it was her turn to find her groove in accepting and appreciating her outward appearance. Before they realized it, their food was placed in front of them. 

“Wow, this looks delicious.” Her friend practically drooled as she placed her napkin on her lap, her eyes never leaving her plate decorated with a bagel sheltering an egg, bacon, and avocado, with cheese being the dramatic curtains melting off the edge toward the side of fruit.

“Can you permanently get Fridays off so this can become a regular?” She joked to her friend as she slid her plate of avocado, poached egg, sprouts, and beet hummus on a cloud of fresh sourdough with a perfume of lemon juice displayed over top towards her so she had a better vantage to take a bite. Her friend laughed as they said prayer then dove in. The bread stared at her, but she didn’t allow it to taunt her. She kept a little pep talk in her back pocket every time she enjoyed a bite until finally she finished the meal and sat satisfied with no guilt to latch onto her tricking her mind into a stomach ache. There was nothing wrong with her meal, it had all the elements to benefit her and energize her for the day to come. The two continued to sew new stories into the air around them. Then they decided to share a house-made lemon bar that lured them in along with two lattes. She ate each bite allowing the fear of the sugar contained in the square to melt from her mind as she remembered the company and memories of this moment are nothing compared to the fear of food. That the food she eats won't spontaneously derail the progress she has made to live a healthier life. They stayed longer than originally calculated for, but no regrets were made, only new memories. 

Chapter 4 

They stood in the parking lot unable to end their time together. They began bringing up a party they had for another friend and she brought her phone up to be the third in their conversation. Pulling up the group picture that she once felt confident in, she quickly changed her mind and suddenly felt uncomfortable. But, her friend praised all of them and brought a new light on the photo that caused her to look at it again. Instead of seeing the differences in how her outfit clung to her and how her hair revolted from what she had thought it looked like, she saw herself strong from all the work she has put in to build her strength, happy to have wonderful and beautiful friends who would love her regardless of how she thought she looked and to have a body that is living artwork of the creator Himself. That switch of the mind changed the discouraged thoughts to ones of satisfaction and adoration. She went home knowing that she wouldn’t be able to fit in her workout after all and didn’t allow the thoughts of guilt to take root knowing life happens and she’ll try and get one in tomorrow, not allowing it to be a big ordeal in her mind. As she walked to hang up her purse, she passed her floor-length mirror and unintentionally stopped and began to observe and critique. A memory of last year's feelings of being so unhappy that a blanket was hung to keep the mirror warm since it was no longer in use. That pulled her out of her dissection of herself and she began to talk encouragingly over what she saw as she continued her walk, not letting the mirror play its negative mind tricks. She’s worked too hard to allow the negativity to deconstruct her growing self-love. 

Chapter 5: Appreciation

It is easy to allow ourselves to find our  flaws and allow them to build until we no longer like any part of ourselves, to allow food to control our thoughts, to not feel deserving to eat normally because we weren’t able to fit our workout in. Our world is so full of comparison and beauty standards that we begin to harass ourselves, unable to open our ears to others who encourage us or our eyes to see the beauty we have. Learning to love ourselves and learning that overwork in the gym and kitchen is not going to get us to the peak that we think we will hit and freeze at. Once we learn that bodies and routines fluctuate we will feel the standards start to melt off. Which phase we are in as a woman for our cycle, the category of life we are walking through, our stress, and what bodies can handle whether that is pregnancy, an injury, or even not being at home or with others where we are not in the driver's seat. Appreciation, confidence, and acceptance are all things that are learned with time. By learning to block out the noise of others telling us how we should look, dress, act, and talk a certain way, we will begin to feel lighter as that pressure evaporates around us. Our unique and individual beauty of both our looks and our bodies will begin to be something that we praise and admire. I recently heard a quote, “you can’t heal a body that you hate.” Our journey to change begins with learning to love ourselves again. This story only scratches the surface of self-love and self-appreciation.

I know that this is a journey and mental game that doesn't dissipate overnight, but, I hope that this helps to lift our chins high and remind us that we are lucky enough to be given the bodies and faces that we have because God knew that each one of us deserved His best work which is why no one is born 100% like the other. You are all beautiful and amazing. I hope that this is a helpful reminder as we go into the weekend. And I hope you all had a great week, don’t forget to leave a comment if this was encouraging or if you have a topic that you would like to read about. Don’t forget to follow on Instagram, subscribe, and share this with a friend. Thanks for reading Allie-Cats!

• Dru Allie