Yes, no… maybe, I don’t know! Decisions; we are faced with small ones daily, but they feel minute in comparison to those decisions that throw themselves at us when we are least expecting. Deciding what to make for dinner or what to wear to that important meeting seems as though time speeds up and suddenly the rest of the world's problems become small. However, drama likes to take us out for a walk in those situations because, although it might feel difficult in the moment…it’s not going to change the course of our lives if we choose a different outcome. No, the life-altering decisions I am referring to are those brick-wall questions that come before us, shifting us uncomfortably as we try to sleep. The ones that cause us to cling to others' opinions in hopes that they will just hand over the answer. But, life doesn’t work like that. Although others can share their thoughts and experiences; the bottom line is that we are on our own, kid. It is up to us to rally our thoughts, close our eyes, and jump because once we are in the air, we’ve left the wandering zone and entered the trial-and-error realm.
Leaps Of Faith
Like everyone else on the planet, I have faced complex, bite my nails, dig my hands in my hair decisions. Some I have thought about and not acted on, simply avoiding altogether. And others I sat and prayed and looked to my counsel. A big one was college. I had limitations on which colleges I was going to look at, but it took a step to shorten the list. My first step was deciding which major I wanted. I racked my brain seeing if there were any other fields I could see myself ending up in. Pulling at different passion strings, testing the waters to decide my future. But, ultimately I ended up in a zone of love and comfortability. I chose to be a dance management major. Therefore, this eliminated a large portion of schools. And wanting to attend a Christian school shortened the list even more. With dance primarily being a minor at most schools, I was down to my top two options: a University in Indiana or a University in Oklahoma. Not going to lie, neither state was upping the competition. I got accepted by both, I auditioned and was given a place in the dance department by both. So I zoomed out and weighed out the pros and cons. I prayed hard and jumped. I chose Oral Roberts University in OK. As soon as I jumped I felt peace about my decision. After freshman year, and a whole lot of reasons that led me to this question, I was faced with whether or not I wanted to stay a dance major. Was it a passion of mine? Yes. Did I love to dance? Sure. But, I was unhappy, so I knew I needed to make a decision and change something. I didn’t give it much thought, I prayed and talked to a friend who had done the same, and closed my eyes, and again jumped. Sometimes situations need a long preparation period and others simply take faith in realizing that we feel miserable and need to choose to switch things up even if it feels scary and uncomfortable. But, the list of decisions didn’t stop there on my school journey. No, because after I had spent a semester as an elementary education major, I was faced with a crossroads. Do I stay at a school that I am unhappy at? Do I transfer and possibly have nothing change other than I now no longer have my friends around? Or, do I leave school altogether? I felt buried. Clawing at my parents and sister to reveal the answer, as if it was something that they had the power to choose. I felt paralyzed daily. Confused and mad, mad that I kept praying and asking God for a sign… an answer… anything. But, nothing. It wasn’t until I weighed out all the odds and closed my eyes again and jumped that I felt a brick lift off my chest. After I made that choice I knew that that was the correct one.
It’s Not Always Obvious
Would it have been easier for everyone else to make my decision for me? Why didn’t God have a neon sign flashing at me to tell me what to do when I asked? Because that isn’t how the world works nor is it how God works. The oh-so-famous phrase “a leap of faith” is exactly what making hard decisions is. If someone else were to decide for us, we would be lacking the period in a sentence. We would feel unsettled and conflict would still course through our veins. When making hard decisions, I can become overwhelmed causing me to put the decision-making off; hoping, wishing, and praying that it would go away or that with time the decision would be easier to make. I believe the keyword would be that I procrastinate until I have thought it over enough to come back around and re-look at it with a logical and level head. Or I wait long enough to where I need to make the decision regardless of still feeling conflicted. It is close to the feeling of when we are standing on the edge of a pool that we know is going to be cold. We wait and work up to the jump to ultimately overthink and flake out until finally we switch our thoughts off for even a second and allow our feet to break away from the security that is the environment that we have become used to. Regardless of if we change our minds, we leaped and will test the water. We can get out and return to our original place, but we can’t stop mid-air. Leaping can be overwhelming and scary. It wouldn’t be hard to decide if it weren’t. I have spent the past almost year putting off, vacillating, praying, and contemplating a hard decision. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to accept the answer I knew I wanted to take, that I felt relief. And once I felt that feeling of fresh air, I knew that I was making the right choice. God created our brains to have the space and capacity to think. Although it may feel frustrating in the moment of not always having Him tell us where or what we should do, it is a privilege that we have the freedom to pray and have Him help guide us while we choose. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Because when we choose the right direction, it is a feeling of joy and celebration. Not saying that the road after the jump has been made will be easy, that is a topic for another time, but in that direct moment of finally allowing our thought to tip one way or the other, it feels invigorating when it is the right one.
Stir The Pot
Decisions often feel like we are stirring the pot of our lives. Even though we either are left with no choice other than to choose which change to make or we are unhappy and the only way out is to disrupt our life and try to formulate a new one through a long and uncomfortable process. I think that is also another reason why no one else can choose for us. Because it’s like living at home with our parents and then living out on our own. We tend to take care of and work harder for that which is ours and what we have sacrificed for rather than living off of someone else's generosity. It’s having that understanding that it was our decision, our excitement, and our desire to finally try something new that will push us and cause our determination to carry us through the season of discomfort and unknown territory. Decision-making is hard and uncomfortable and not everyone will be on the same page. But it is taking our lives into our own hands and not allowing ourselves to become complacent in the realm of the unexpected. It is jumping and not allowing (myself particularly) to overthink, causing an alarming amount of anxiety to overshadow the excitement of trying something new or different.
Faced with underwhelming decisions daily is our warm-up to face the big things. It is showing ourselves that we are capable of taking the step forward. It is knowing that although God doesn’t always give us the sign or answer we want, it doesn’t mean that He has given up on us or that He doesn’t care. He wants us to seek him throughout the decision process, allowing us to work for our answers. Again, like a parent, He doesn’t want to just hand over the answer key, but instead wants us to ask questions and learn while He is right there next to us nudging us forward. It forces ourselves to work for our answers that can cause us to push beyond the uncomfortable stages. Like it says in Proverbs 18:15 “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out”. No matter what big, hard, or uncomfortable decisions are thrown at us, each decision made causes us to grow a little more. Hopefully, that was comforting to someone faced with that unruly and procrastinating feeling, unlike those who look at new opportunities as a challenge and can naturally jump. May the Lord bless those people. Anyway, I hope this week was fun and this weekend is relaxing. Don’t forget to share, follow on Instagram, comment, and subscribe. Thanks for reading Allie-Cats.
Dru Allie
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