Social Breakthroughs...

There are moments, at least in my mind, where I crave social interaction and opportunities to constantly be among others. But, when it comes to the moment of stepping past the safety of my threshold a panic arises and sudden dread takes over my whole body. Then there is a car ride spent pumping myself up trying to prepare myself to relax, have fun, and be excited. Saying it out loud brings on a twinge of pathetic embarrassment, but social anxiety is no joke. It is something that has increasingly become more and more common among people of, honestly, every age. I have a watch that tracks my heart rate, and although I am not completely sure how accurate it is, I typically receive about two “relax” reminders when I am out among others. Even when I am in a room with friends my mind stresses and my heart rate points out my nerves. I read somewhere that 7.1% of the population experiences social anxiety. Do we realize how many people that is? That means that more than half of the people we know experience the sweaty palm, hand wringing, heart pumping, deep breathing, and pep talk routine that we walk through when we leave the comfort of a safe environment. Now, 2020 did not help the situation; it caused the numbers to skyrocket. Kids were forced to have no social interaction or physical contact and are now left to navigate how to interact and face others. Even we, who experienced the global shutdown as adults, became comfortable living inside our cocoons.

Little Comforts

I am someone who loves the comfort of my house, I am an introvert, I am an over-thinker, and if I feel overwhelmed I like to run and hide. I also typically don’t tend to be a spontaneous person. That’s not to say that can’t be, but normally when plans are thrown at me, I become extremely anxious and my instinct is to do the ostrich technique and bury my head. I’d like to bury myself further when I am made aware that I’ll be thrown into a social event. But I buck up and put on my big girl pants and endure the first 20 minutes of warming back up to the world beyond my everyday people, cat, and home. I always find that socializing is made easier when a prop, like a drink of some kind, provides my hands with a meaningful task. When our hands are occupied and we are left stranded alone among a sea of people, it suddenly provides a purpose for our presence. It shows that we belong to the engagement in which we are standing and have once belonged to a group and are waiting for a new one to form. Without something, we look as though we are lost and alone making us hard to be approached. This is why, so often in public settings, we hide behind our phone screens. It is a prop that is typically always on hand. Also, having something to hold can act like a soothing blanket; it gives us something for us to hide our shaky thoughts.

Stuck In A Rut

I work from home and don’t often go searching for social events. I have my typical outings throughout the week; however, when an event arises I will force myself to commit to going. I know, at least for me, it is the initial agreement and the moments beforehand that are the hardest part. Once I am out and about, I can help myself melt into my surroundings. Like a workout, sometimes in social settings, despite a large group or a few individuals, we need a bit of a warmup to become relaxed and remember that we enjoy having a life beyond the conversations we share with ourselves. Sometimes all it takes is to shock our system and push ourselves to remind us that we do have social skills, and enjoy the high of being out and about. We often become stuck in our everyday rut where we feel comfortable and don’t need to think as hard, try as hard, worry as much, fear who we’ll end up talking to, or become anxious about others' opinions. We give weight to what other people think far more than we intend. And being an overthinker, it becomes incredibly exhausting diving back into social settings. But, once I am surrounded by it enough, and I warm up to the people I am around, I begin to scour my brain less for an excuse to leave. I often become envious of those who go out and take on life. Where they constantly go and meet new people and look at life as their oyster, but then I face the reality that I would need to leave my home to do that. And as much as I do have fun once I am out, I like to recharge and be alone. I have to push myself to go to game nights, I am a movie night kind of gal.

Times Have Changed

It is amusing to think that in today's society, we struggle so much with human interaction. Back in the 50’s that's all there was. People were eager to spend time with their friends, they didn’t have much holding them back. In today's world, we have the accompaniment of our phones, on-demand TV, remote working, door dash, automatic subscriptions, the ability to order our groceries to our doors, video games, and virtual reality. We have created a way to eliminate social interaction. It is no wonder why so many experience social anxiety. Our online worlds have caused fear to spike when living our normal lives. I’ve talked about this before, but the access that we have to observe other people's lives, the way they look, dress, have different lifestyles, and how they portray themselves inserts a level of anxiety and comparison. This makes what was once an innocent dinner hang out a judgemental marathon in our minds. We have created our society to grow apart. We have caused our children to grow up isolated and dissatisfied. We have turned our ideals so far away from God’s that now, if we socialize beyond our normal inner circle, we are at risk of offending someone or left fearful of our safety. Social anxiety is fun to joke around with and be light-hearted about, but it is also something that, in effect, can cause stress on the body and mind. I have definitely sat in my car and cried before stepping out, and needed to remind myself that we live in a world where we are supposed to have human interaction.

Social Cues

Social anxiety comes in a variety of intensities. Presenting itself to some as a paralyzing fear or simply as butterflies and sweaty hands. We all have experienced some form of these emotions at some time or another. It is something that has become integrated into our lives. Each year we isolate ourselves a little more, forgetting the importance of a community. We also have to know how real social anxiety is, and how hard it can be for some of us to interact with others beyond those who we can feel completely comfortable around. That being said, it is also important for us who have a hard time being out in social settings to push ourselves and not hide away because it is easier. Although, it isn’t wrong to want to be alone and spend time regenerating alone. That is just as important.

We joke and make light of the reality that we all feel overwhelmed by social settings. It honestly has a unique amount of humor in it. We spend a decent amount of time alone and then are placed into a social setting where we are now nervous, anxious, and left feeling out of place and awkward; causing us to want to go back and hide. But then another situation arises and another until we find our groove and become comfortable once again. Then, the cycle repeats. So good luck with any social situations that are before you, and know that they will get better. I hope your weekend is restful. Don’t forget to subscribe, comment your thoughts, follow us on Instagram, and share. Thanks for reading Allie-Cats!

• Dru Allie